A Walk in the Rain

Today I had the privilege of walking home from work in the rain. It isn't that big of a feat, since it is only several miles away. A friend of mine was aghast that I would walk home in the rain with an umbrella in high heels. Although, I hadn't planned on walking home today, it ended up being a serendipity for my soul. When I commenced the walk, I chose to do it with a good spirit. I thought of how many of my ancestors walked for miles. My great, grandfather was known to walk miles upon miles around town. He had a walking stick, and would suck on his butter rum LifeSavers, and pray until he arrived at his destination. My one great, great grandmother would walk eight miles to town and back five days a week to be a scrub woman. Her husband died early leaving her with many mouths to feed. She shouldered her responsibility, and walked to town on the railroad tracks everyday to feed her family.

I have been trying to discipline myself to walk more. Taking a class on prayer this semester has enriched my walking. I have taken up listening to Rachmaninoff's Vespers while walking the dog in the evening since taking this class. I have used this music to help focus my thoughts and mind on prayer while walking. I have also tried some other methods taught in class. One method was repeating a Holy sentence, such as a scripture verse, or something along those lines. Richard Foster calls these "breath prayers." My breath prayer for several weeks now has been..."The Perfect Love of God, for me, around me, in me and through me." It has helped me to meditate on God's Perfect Love. I want to KNOW it. I want to experience it. I want to share it. I think these practices have helped me grow on my journey.

So today, walking in the rain was not a hardship. It was soothing and peaceful in some way. It was an opportunity to experience the depth of God's Love in greater ways.

Somebody's Got to be First

Well, tomorrow our new boss comes to the office for the first time. I have only met him one time and it was when the board was interviewing him. I was a party of four who were introduced to him. It really wasn't enough time to gain much understanding about the character or disposition of the man.

Our floor has pretty much been running itself for well over a year now. There are only women left on it and we all go about our business and do what we know to do. There hasn't been any dysfunction during this time. In fact we all kind of felt like we needed to be self-motivated. We realized progress depended on us and there was a type of empowering that came to us all. The proverbial buck stopped with us so the realization of that type responsibility seemed to pull the best out in all. We all bonded together to make the heavy workload happen. And it did happen.

Now a new element will be introduced into the mix. For one, it will be someone who has a title that overshadows us all...Vice President. For another, it will be a man. We haven't had any testosterone on our floor in over a year, so that alone will take some getting used to. I really can't say that I know this man to judge him for good or ill. That will take some time. One thing I have learned as I have gotten older, is that I reserve the right to make a judgment over a period of time. Time is the real test of true character and trustworthiness. So we shall see.

What I do know is that somehow I drew the short straw. I am the first in the line up to get one on one time with the new boss. Tomorrow at 9:00am, I get to spend an hour with him. Being first is a bit unnerving. I like being at least second, if not third or fourth. The reason is that I value the impressions others have gotten from their meetings. I can take several people's impressions, and distill certain common themes that come up from other opinions. For some reason, knowing a little bit of something about an unknown is better than knowing nothing at all. So tomorrow I get to be the one that the others will come to to ask, "so what was he like?" Or something along those lines.

I asked what the agenda was, but didn't get much direction. So I get to go in "cold turkey." I know I can often come off confident and secure. As ashamed as I am to admit it, this meeting has a way of making me feel like a child on the first day of school. All the unknowns looming large. Questions are surfacing in my mind like, "What will I wear? What are the topics he might talk about? How should I answer? Is there anything I need to bring up? Is my desk clean enough? Should I get a cup of coffee and relax? Should I wait until the hour is up to get my coffee?" There are several for starters.

Being "first on the block" stirs up these emotions in many of us. I guess the consolation is, my turn will be over and I will be able to breath the rest of the day. All the others will just have to wade through the anxiety until their turn is up. I guess that is the one positive I can come up with in all of this. So somebody's got to be first. I guess that's me this time.

Weighing Hell

OK, so anyone who is reading my blog would know that I am going through my very own personal "dark night of the soul." We all do that. EVERYONE has their down times. I make no apologies. I only admit it. Own it. And will try to blog through it.

So what is your hell? Today, this day, what is your own personal hell? We can break our personal hell up into categories. How much hell is your family? How much personal hell is your job? How much is of your personal hell is your health? How much is your financial situation? How much of your personal hell is "other?" Come on....be brave enough to label it.

In some ways it was good for me to figure out percentages tonight. You know 20% family, 30% job, 10% health, 15% financial, 25% other. You know, it fluctuates from day to day and week to week. The percentages could be different tomorrow morning.

Now, what to do with the analysis? Having a deeper look can be good, if you can figure out what to do with the results. How do we handle our own personal hell? Now, I have to spend some time pondering that!

It's All Mom's Fault

So why are our kids the hardest on us? I mean really? Once they grow up and get on their own, sometimes they look back and remember the bad. Out of so much good....out of so much sacrifice...out of so much love...they will hold the shortcomings against us. I think that is why so many young adults go into counseling and WHO is the one that gets most of the blame?!!! Oh yeah...that would be dear old MOM. Mom who loved so unconditionally. Mom who still loves unconditionally. Mom who will continue to love despite their children harboring our shortcomings against us.

So when will they finally take responsibility for their own well being? When will they stop placing blame? When will they have grace instead of condemnation? When will they have grace for the one who dumped BUCKETS of grace on them as they went through childhood and adolescents?

Now that I am my age I can really relate to the Luke 18:9-14. I guess when I was a young adult, I could find myself in the Pharisee portion of this text. I thought it was all about the do's and dont's. I felt I pretty much had a handle on the do's and dont's. I read my Bible everyday. I went to church several times a week. I prayed daily. I belonged to a small group. I had a good measure of the fruits of the spirit. I thought I was pretty righteous. I thought I could approach God with my gaze upward in the middle of the synagogue. I could look around and see so many who were not hitting the standard as I was. And I felt pretty good and very smug about it.

Now that I am older and a good amount of time has passed, my life has been imperfect. There were some "bumps in the road" as all lives experience. There were some "dark nights of the soul." There was the divorce, the struggles as single mom, the stretching to make ends meet, the disappointments at work, the broken relationships, the realities of my own sin...the imperfections of ME. Now I am more like the tax collector. I find myself on the fringe, beating my chest with my head and gaze lowered, praying, "Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner."

Spreading Scriptural Holiness Part II

Today was the day I shared in the cabinet. I shared in my simple way of telling stories. I know I am no theologian like acting Provost, Bill Arnold or the President, Tim Tennent so I just spoke from my heart. The good news is that the subject is something I feel passionately about. The passion was fanned a little from last weeks messages from John Oswalt on holiness. I think sometimes I buy into the lies that Satan and "starchy" Christians try to wrap the holiness package in. Lies like "holiness is a huge list of do's and dont's." Or lies like "all the fun will be sucked out of your life it you take that holiness stuff too seriously." As John Oswalt put it so well, when you distill the definition down, holiness is the pure love of God. It is the pure love of God. Now, tell me, who doesn't want pure love? As I thought on this, it dawned on me that the "spreading scriptural holiness" is the Divine WHY of our mission statement:

Asbury Theological Seminary is a community called to prepare theologically educated, sanctified, Spirit-filled men and women to spread scriptural holiness throughout the world through the love of Jesus Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit and to the glory of God the Father.

We have the who: a community called. We have the what: to prepare....men and women. The spreading scriptural holiness is the why. This is why John Wesley came to America. This is why Francis Asbury built Bethel Academy out by Handy's Bend. This is why John Wesley Hughes built Asbury College. This is why Henry Clay Morrison walked across the street and started Asbury Theological Seminary. They wanted to spread the holy love of God throughout the world. They did it out of love. They did it for love of God and love of lost souls.

Our charge is to lay claim to this heritage and continue to spread holiness message...the message of God's pure love.

Spreading Scriptural Holiness

I have been invited to sit in on cabinet meetings on the President's administrative team until my new boss comes on November 1. This has been almost surreal to me as I never thought I'd ever be at that table. In fact, was told that I'd never be one time. This assignment will have lasted for several months when the time for serving is finished. It has been good for me to be exposed to the level of responsibility that comes at that level. It has enabled me to see things from a different perspective. Different perspectives are usually always good for us.

One thing I have noticed is how often decisions are egocentric. Being "on top" doesn't absolve one from this most wretched curse which is the center of all sin. People come at issues from their own perspectives. We drive stakes in and battle for "me" and "mine." We need to pray for those in leadership to be so filled with the Spirit of God that they will transcend this default disposition. Asbury needs deliverance from this just like other organizations and institutions. I also need deliverance from this tendency.

At one of the first cabinet meetings the new president stated that we would have each one around the table share on part of the mission statement. I thought we might possibly get our new Vice President before my turn came....wrong. This week is my week. The part of the mission statement that I have been asked to share is "spreading scriptural holiness." One of the other members said, "Man, that is the mother lode!" And he is right. This is the divine "WHY" of the mission statement. I feel very inadequate to share thoughts about this particular subject. Dr. John Oswalt just preached a series of sermons this past Holiness Week at chapel. He expounded on holiness so much better than my faltering tongue will do. So, I will have to do a whole lot of praying for wisdom and direction for this coming Wednesday at 8:00am.

I do know this. Holiness is the cure for that wretched curse of self-centeredness I spoke of earlier. Holiness will burn out sin. Holiness gets me out of "me" and "mine." Holiness gets me into God and Him into me. Holiness makes me love others more than myself. Holiness is what we desperately need. Jesus have mercy on us!